You just made me feel so damn special
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
