We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
