idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
