i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
