Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
