He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
