i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
