well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
