she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
