Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
