I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
