Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
