apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
