So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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