i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I look better un-naked...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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