Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
