I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
