hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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