i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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