I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
