Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
