i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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