YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
