Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Two words: nipple clamps
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