So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need help removing her.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize