her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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