i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
