i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
