All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
