She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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