i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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