...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
