Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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