i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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