So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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