Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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