If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
