Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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