God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
