nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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