Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
