he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would ride that face into the sunset
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
