it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
