Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
