its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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