Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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