I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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