Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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