This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
