The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
