The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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