can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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