i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize