if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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