I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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