I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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