I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
