i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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