We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
