see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
