Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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