I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
