I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
