yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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