She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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