i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
