Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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