I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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