Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
