He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
