Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
