hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
