what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
