And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
